Flash Fiction (16) – In The Basement

rocks, wall, rock wall

Find this prompt on Madison Woods blog.  Be sure to read her story here and others (they can be found in the comments)

In the Basement

The light changed the dust, turned it diamond and gold, showed it twirling and dancing in the air.  Anne never blinked, at least she tried not to, not while the light came in through the crack.

Even as her body withered and shrank, the light fed her craving for the sun and it nourished her soul.  The light, as long as it was there, was her guardian, it kept her safe and the monsters at bay.

Anne heard footsteps coming down the stairs.  She scrambled to hide the crack, to cover the light, lest it be taken away.  She was plunged into darkness just as she heard the key turning in the lock.

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38 thoughts on “Flash Fiction (16) – In The Basement

    • I’m starting to feel like most flash fictions can be expanded! But I still really like trying to capture a scene or a mood in few words.

  1. I am absolutely terrified for her — what an accomplishment on your part. I think maybe mine is Anne’s flashback to this experience 🙂

    Also, the way you make light into food here is really powerful and evokes the image that Susan grabbed onto really well. Super love.

  2. It of course brings up images of those terrible stories of girls imprisoned like Jaycee Dugard and that family in Germany, really horrible stuff. Unimaginable, but you’ve given us a tiny slice of the experience that suggests the whole. Creepy but well done!

  3. Dear Miq,

    Editing note: add and ‘a’ in dncing. (Am I out of line to mention that here? Let me know.)(And once you nail it, feel free to erase this section of my comment:)

    Reader’s note: Fantastic! Shades of The Collector, by John Fowles. Very heartrending evocation of our desire for hope, no matter how desperate the situation. You should have her escape and, at the very least, turn the tables on her captor.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    • Hahahaha! Oops. I’m off to fix that. How embarrassing, I feel like I stepped out of the bathroom with a trail of toilet paper stuck to my shoe. But I’m glad you told me!

    • I couldn’t comment on your piece. But this is what I would have written:

      I really liked how you led up to the memory, instead of leading the readers one way and then surprising them with this horrific memory. Very well written.

    • I hadn’t even thought of an escape story (and I think I like it)! Maybe I should revisit this when I’m ready to write a happy piece. Thanks for the suggestion.

  4. I like the line “The light, as long as it was there, was her guardian, it kept her safe and the monsters at bay.” Always hang on to what make you feel safe. Nice depiction of emotions.

  5. Evocative story. I felt as if I were there with her, felt her panic at the light possibly being taken away. It feels like you could write a lot more on this story if you wanted to.

    • I said this earlier, but I’m learning that a lot of these flashes could probably be expanded. But I’m really enjoying the challenge of trying to drastically limit my words. Thanks for the positive feedback!

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