Tags
flash fiction, flash fiction faction, kiss, love, sex, siren, swimming, water, writing
Prompt from Quill Shiv, go check out the comments to find more takes on this particular prompt.
Mirror Pond
He watched.
She stepped barefoot into the calm water.
He imagined snakes, alligators, and demons unknown swimming up from the depth to ensnare her.
She giggled upon noticing his fear, his hesitation. She beckoned him with a slow movement of one finger as she stepped further into the water. The ripples spread from her body and the reflections, so perfectly captured, were shaken and disappeared.
He fumbled to pull his boots off, then his jeans and his shirt. She had made it look so easy. She had glided across the downed trees and over the damp holes and looked like a dancer while doing it. He stumbled after her, not wanting her to think he was weak.
She slid into the water and took a few strong strokes towards the other side of the pond. The water, softer than any other water, caressed her skin. She looked back; he was so awkward with his boxers stuck to his legs and his feet getting tangled in everything. A soft sigh, unnoticed by him, passed her lips and she swam back to him.
He stopped at the water’s edge. He could still see any number of monsters coming up from the depth. But the image of her, her real self, was stronger than any imagined demons. He plunged, all splashes and shrieks, into the water after her.
She dove below him, capturing his feet, and dunked him. He came up sputtering but he was already caught in her arms. She gave him a quick kiss and then slipped away but he was already in hot pursuit.
Beautiful imagery in the story. i have to admit though, I couldn’t imagine swimming in that water. I’m sure it is full of leeches.
I’m not going to lie, once I saw how perfect the reflections were in the water I ignored the rest of the picture and just focused on that. Because I wouldn’t be able to swim in it either.
Quite erotic. You drew a lovely comparison between the confident, self assured young woman and her clumsier, less headstrong partner. I felt sure she was going to lead him to his death. That line about him plunging after her ‘all splashes and shrieks’ says it all really.
Very well done.
I really enjoyed this! I must say, I had a little trouble with the switching POVs. Not with catching on, but it was jarring. Had you tried separating the two POVs or merging them even more?
Personally, my inclination would be to merge them more. It would create an urgency as well as an immediacy.
All the words are there and it is beautify and seductive. Try playing with the form a little. (I love experimenting with form).
Being of the horror mindset, I kept waiting for his imaginings to become reality. I’m glad for his sake that they didn’t.
My story: http://authorbrandonscott.wordpress.com/2012/04/05/dont-look-down/
Nice story, miq!
No monsters and I’m glad. I liked this! Nice job.
My attempt: http://unduecreativity.wordpress.com/2012/04/05/cajuns-and-crawdads/